(A personal reflection on mothering and parenthood.)
“Music is not in the notes but in the silence between.”
Being a mother is ever changing. It’s not a role to “ACE” or master. Motherhood offers a chance–just like all roles we play in life–to learn, grow and emerge–rinse and repeat.
My pace does not allow much “time” to discover where I might be in a painful tailspin. Having a few days away from regular life last week at the Appalachian State Expressive Arts Institute, I recognized some pain I hold around the energy of holding on to my children, for fear they will break: Dare I recognize they need to break to become fully whole?!
I am so thankful for the wisdom given by many elders who supported my exploration last week–and many young adults too–who shared personal stories of being mothers and daughters. Thanks to their kindness and generous listening I feel rooted and capable to continue to witness (and break open to) my children’s becoming fully human, and I am open to discovering how more gracefully I can let go.
Treasure-trove words given to me that I intend to keep close in my heart:
“You must let go or they will have to break free.”
“They will come back.”
“Don’t take everything so personally.”
“It’s not about YOU!”
“I called my mother last night.”
“I have many homes.” (Said a mother of multiple adult children.)
Motherhood is about showing up, caring, giving, giving and giving more than you think you can–things, time, thoughts, hugs, meals, questions, but perhaps most precious of all gifts mothers can give is the gift of space. (Mozart was brilliant, wasn’t he? to say music lies in the silence!)
Motherhood is about finding a way to let go–to let our children shake in their own emergence–their powerful rights and strengths and their choices–so they reveal and discover their own beautiful, individual wings… and fly! (…. and also to flop flail and fall… so they learn to move on and FLY yet again.)
I found and dusted off my motherhood training wingwheels in the mountains. I’ve put them back on.
I offer a relevant poem shared during a small group…
by Danna Faulds
There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.
with my love and training wingwheels spinning…