dear ones,

many years ago i was really sick. i had an illness that was never really diagnosed or named. my mental and physical unwellness disrupted every aspect of my life, my understanding of myself, my relationships with people, and my career.

you might remember my six-word story:
her personal earthquake reinvented her everything.

well it did.

over the course of seven years i discovered my curiosity again. i began to ask questions in the world and to step towards taking actions that might explore possible answers.

these were questions around kindness, creativity and joy, and also community.

my questions and curiosities have continued and now i hold many more questions.

years ago i started this particular web site as a way to find courage to publicly express myself, my journey, my connection to community, and to explore my questions, and my heart’s callings.

it is really personal. sometimes i write posts that i never share. it’s been hard for me to find my own voice again, particular because i trained as a journalist to objectively tell the stories of others. intially i found it very self indulgent (selfish or self absorbed) to write about my own thoughts, perspectives and feelings. i didn’t see my writing as a way of self love and care. but over the years i realize this space and my journals have been just that… self care. not selfish, not self absorbed, but ultimately loving acts towards myself that i may live more aligned with my values, while contemplating my actions that sometimes are in opposition to what i believe. and to have the courage to use my potential gift as a storyteller, to compassionately share them with you and other readers.

having spent 20+ years as a marketing and pr person, i have a hyper awareness of the power words and messages might convey.

with awareness i have taken great responsibility and care of the words i choose, especially that they not add to the emotional or spiritual pain of you, who may read and feel them.

yesterday i might have written some things that caused pain that i did not intend. and if you were hurt, i am truly sorry. my post may also have uplifted you or affirmed you on your journey. either way i feel grateful for our connection and thank you for being such a safe and loving reader with whom to share my heartmind.

i write here. i rarely share how terribly difficult it is for me to share what i write. the fear i have for sharing my writing is that anything i say may hurt people unintentionally. that my attempts at humor may be taken in a wrong way, intending you might laugh but really make you unconformable. which is why i don’t share as often here as I consider.

i have a lot of unposted draft essays. ideas that I decided were either too personal to share or too risky to be taken the wrong way, and things that really were only written for me to read.

but the higher truth is,  no matter how guarded or careful i may be, i am going to unintentionally hurt you. afterall, we are separate human beings with different lives and experiences, different things we each deeply relate to, so inevitably we will hurt each other with our words, no matter how much editing or concern we take.

perhaps my unwillnessness to share my writing is similar to my not wanting to get another dog after my dog Jackson died. when he died he left a space that broke my heart daily. because i loved him so much, how could i bare to have another dog and risk the pain of loss again? but thankfully we risked the loss of love again and my family got a dog 3 months later and now we have another unconditional lovehound teaching us, at our feet. his name is Mookie and he has become one of the greatest daily joybringers and teachers in my life. (he LOVES him some peanutbutter!)

so here i am. showing up for myself. for you. writing. sharing. trying my best to prune the spikes and sand the edges that might hurt, to make my writing as safe, and loving and uplifting, but also realistic and true as possible. seeking the right words. (funny because my first company was called “The Write Company” and the tagline was “the right words from the write company.” hah!)

i write and share because i love us humans so much. i believe we can always come back from the moments that break us down to the floor, or slow us to less than a snail’s pace (no offense to snails). i believe in the regenerative natural resource potential that is humanity.

my illness taught me that i could lose everything i believed about my life and the world and come back with even greater purpose and joy than i could have ever imagined. for this i am grateful and for this i also feel a responsibility to share. to offer hope. a light in the darkness.

and in these times of loss, uncertainty and disruption, i want my story and my writings to be a blessing to anyone who reads here.

i don’t intend to add to your pain or anxieties. i don’t want my word choice to add to our physical separation: not just as we quarantine, but because we must endure the distance created by seeing ourselves in different bodies. i don’t want to burden you. i only hope to inspire us (you and me) to think, and allow ourselves to feel–the good things, hard things, sad things… that we can develop a deeper relationship and awareness of our joy.

please know if my words ever hurt you–just like if i shout too much at my children, even when i try not to–i love you.

if my words hurt it is because i — like you– am human. i want to reach our highest ground, a meeting place where we both recognize how very similar we are, and how connected and bound we are to one another.

Sing with me…. til we reach our highest ground!

 

 

(Thanks be to Stevie Wonder.)

People keep on learnin’
Soldiers keep on warrin’
World keep on turnin’
Cause it won’t be too long

Powers keep on lyin’
While your people keep on dyin’
World keep on turnin’
Cause it won’t be too long

I’m so darn glad he let me try it again
Cause my last time on earth I lived a whole world of sin
I’m so glad that I know more than I knew then
Gonna keep on tryin’
Till I reach my highest ground

Lovers keep on lovin’
Believers keep on believin’
Sleepers just stop sleepin’
Cause it won’t be too long
Oh no

I’m so glad that he let me try it again
Cause my last time on earth I lived a whole world of sin
I’m so glad that I know more than I knew then
Gonna keep on tryin’
Till I reach my highest ground…Whew!

Till I reach my highest ground
No one’s gonna bring me down
Oh no
Till I reach my highest ground
Don’t let nobody bring you down (they’ll sho ’nuff try)
God is gonna show you higher ground
He’s the only friend you have around

i ❤ you. i ❤ us. i believe in us.

❤ becky